The Hardest Part
by MellarkandArt
Summary: Chandler has gone through something no one should have to, can he move past it? Trigger warning: rape
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

He never saw it coming.

Chandler was just hanging with the group one night at Central Perk when a handsome guy wearing a black leather jacket walked in. Phoebe instantly jumped up at the sight of him and introduced him as Justin, a Skechers shoe designer she had just started going out with. That was the first time that Chandler met him, he seemed like a nice guy and hey, if Phoebe liked him, why shouldn't he?

Justin made his way down the couch shaking hands and when he got to Chandler's hand he smiled, gripping it a little harder than Chandler was used to. Chandler smiled back and made one of his usual sarcastic comments, "what, do you want to take it with you or something?" Justin laughed kind of strangely and went back over to sit with Phoebe.

Time went on and Phoebe and Justin seemed to be getting pretty close. Everyone was happy for her of course, including Chandler, but something just seemed off about him to Chandler. He shook it off though, Justin seemed like a great guy, even invited him to attend a baseball game with him one weekend. Chandler didn't quite understand why he didn't ask one of his personal friends or even Ross or Joey, but he was grateful for the opportunity and went with it.

Biggest mistake of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chandler awoke with a pounding headache and to the awful stench of garbage. Did Joey forget to take out the trash? Yick. He slowly opened his eyes and sensed a lack of stability around him. He was not in his bed, he wasn't even on the couch. Where the hell was he? It was dark, it was very dark as he came to, realizing that he was not in his apartment. He was outside, leaning against a building, wearing nothing but a bathrobe. Not even his bathrobe either. Panic set in, he didn't know why he was in this dark alley but he knew he better get out of it, and quick. He stood up fast, but instantly fell back down, shocked by the pain he felt. He placed his hand against the building and slowly pulled himself back up, still feeling the pain. Leaning against the building all the time, he makes his way out of the alley without being murdered and looks around at his surroundings. He sees his apartment building, he's at the one across from it, where Ugly Naked Guy lives.

_Why?_

He bit his cheek and let go of the wall, bracing himself to cross the street. He finally reaches his apartment building and goes in, dragging himself up the stairs to apartment #19. He quietly opens the door and closes it behind him, worried he'll disturb Joey. No need, it sounds like Joey isn't alone... he glances at the clock and it's only 11:30. _What happened? _He tiptoes to his bedroom.

He collapses into his bed, moaning as he pulls the covers over himself. He aches from head to toe. He tried to get his brain to resurface the memory, but soon let's it go, passing out from the pain.

—

He awakes with a start, not prepared for the pain that would come with it. He lets out a little groan, sinking back down on the bed. He glances at the clock, it's 11:30 again, but this time it must be AM. He suddenly feels very cold and reaches for the extra blanket at the end of his bed.

He remembers what happened.

There's a knock on his bedroom door. "Who is it?" he calls out hoarsely.

"Joey," Joey says, rolling his eyes.

"Come in," Chandler mutters.

"What's going on man, you sick?" Joey asks, opening the door. "You should've been at work hours ago."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sick," Chandler says, looking at the floor.

"Oh," Joey says, looking a little concerned. "Well, then you better stay away from me," he says, grinning.

"Don't worry about it," Chandler mutters, keeping his eyes down. "Hey," he says suddenly, looking up. "Could you do me a favor? Call in to my work for me, and tell them? I forgot and I don't really feel like it..."

"Yeah sure, buddy, don't worry about it! Do you need anything else?" Joey asks.

"No, no, I'll be fine. Thanks." Chandler offers a smile.

"No problem," Joey smiles back exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

Chandler sighs, pulling his blanket closer to him. He didn't lie exactly, he does feel pretty sick.


	3. Chapter 3

Confidence is something that Chandler Bing has always lacked, no matter the situation. But the lack of confidence he felt now was quite unsettling, as the nurse gave him a sad smile and walked out of the room. He didn't really know why he went to the hospital, he's just heard from women that it was something you were supposed to do after an... incident. He didn't know if it mattered for him, being a man, but the pain was pretty bad so he went anyway. The nurses and doctor did their thing, and he walked away with a prescription for pain meds, therapist recommendations and a whole lot of shame.

He went to the pharmacy and got his prescription filled and threw away the therapist recommendations in the Walgreen's trash can. He headed home and got freshened up, swallowed some pain pills, went downstairs for some coffee and sat down in his usual spot. It wasn't long before the rest of the group came in one by one. They all began chatting about the usual things, but Chandler subconsciously tuned them out, staring out the window.

"Right, Chandler?" he suddenly hears Joey saying.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Chandler asks, looking back at the group. They all look at their normally quick talking friend strangely. Joey speaks again.

"I just said you were sick, right? What are you doing down here?"

Chandler shrugs, sipping on his coffee, all too aware of the five pairs of eyes on him.

"I'm feeling better, I went to the doctor this afternoon and got some medicine."

"Oh, what kind did they prescribe?" Monica asks. Chandler bites his lip and shrugs again. "I don't know, just the typical stuff, I guess." She nods and seems satisfied with the answer, but he still feels awkward. It doesn't take long for the attention to be taken away from him, though, as Phoebe begins discussing Justin.

"Oh my God, he's just so considerate!" she says excitedly. The girls "awwww" while Ross and Joey smile silently. Chandler stares at his coffee.

"He hasn't called me since yesterday afternoon though, and he hasn't answered my calls. I don't know, am I being too needy?" Phoebe asks, frowning. She really likes this guy.

"No, honey, I'm sure he's just busy," says Rachel, rubbing Phoebe's arm.

"Yeah, I mean, he was at the baseball game we weren't invited to last night with Chandler, how was it?" Ross asks looking at him, pretending to be hurt that he wasn't invited.

Spotlight again.

"I, um, it was fine, I guess," Chandler says as smoothly as he can. They see right through it though.

"Oh my God, did he say something about me? Does he not like me anymore?" Phoebe asks, frantic.

"No, no, Phoebe, he didn't say anything about you. I swear," he says, looking at her. It was sort of the truth, the only thing he said remotely related to Phoebe was something like "don't tell Phoebe or I'll kill you both."

"Well, okay, if you say so, Chandler," she says, smiling. He fakes a smile back. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll call soon."

He prays he won't.

/Hi, guys! Sorry I have taken so long to update, I really intended to be frequent with that as I have a good bit written already but honestly I just felt so much anxiety about if this story is good or not that I just didn't want to post anymore. I'll try not to let my fears get in the way of further updates but no promises. I really appreciate the reviews, thank you for reading! - Art/


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 5

It's not like he planned to keep it a secret, he just didn't tell anyone. As the days turned to weeks and his physical pain started to mend, he slipped into a routine. Wake up, go to work, come home, take a nap, go to Monica's or the coffee shop for an hour or two, go home, go to bed. He still saw everyone everyday, just not quite as much. He wasn't avoiding them exactly, he just didn't feel like being around them. When he was around them, he was quiet. If anyone noticed, they didn't mention it.

At least until one night at Monica's place when he fell asleep on the couch. All he really wanted to do lately was sleep. He awoke with a bit of a start, as usual, as now's usual, anyway, from a bad dream. He looked around and everyone had gone home or gone to bed except for Monica sitting to the left of him on the couch, who seemed like she had been watching him sleeping. He looked over at her and then looked away, feeling awkward.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she smiled softly, silently pleading for him to look back up at her and respond. But as usual, as now's usual, silence. A few more seconds of silence floated between them before she scooter closer next to him, taking his left hand with her right. He silently begged her not to, but was actually surprised by how comforting it was. He slowly rested his head on her shoulder, sighing into her hair. She took her other hand and slipped it across his back, softly rubbing his arm. He let himself begin to relax at her touch and closed his eyes. She rested her head slightly on top of his and breathed in his scent. She liked this, she missed him, the real him, not the zombie that wandered around her apartment every night like it was a chore.

"You've been quiet lately," she mummers, lightly stroking his arm.

He doesn't say anything again, not sure what to say. Yeah, he has been quiet lately. No, he doesn't want to talk about it. She knows he isn't going to reply and so she doesn't press on any further. She studies his right hand in her left, it's so soft.

"Chandler," she says, finally breaking the silence.

"Mm?"

"What's been going on, honey?" She instantly feels him tense.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Chandler... it's not nothing"

He bites his lip. "I'm telling you, Monica," he says, lifting his head and looking at her. "Nothing is going on."

She looks in his eyes, wishing she could see the truth in them. "Okay," she says softly.

"Okay?" he asks, surprised at how easily she gives up.

"Okay," she nods, now taking back both her arms and wrapping them around his neck, pulling him close. They just sit there holding each other for awhile .

"I better go," he mutters finally.

"I don't want you to," she whispers. He doesn't say anything. Another minute passes. Slowly, she begins to kiss him. First on his neck where her face rests. Then on his cheek. Then on his lips.

What am I doing? she wonders to herself but keeps kissing him. He's hesitant at first and she wonders if she's making a huge mistake but soon he begins to kiss her back. It starts out slow but it soon turns into heated passion. They're so involved in each other, tongues meeting, hands in each other's hair. It feels unexpected, but it feels so right. Starts on the couch, but then they're standing up, they're walking to Monica's room, lips never parting. Monica closes the door with her foot and they collapse on to the bed, melting into each other. They make out for awhile longer, him leaning over her, until Monica starts to unbutton his pants and he begins to tense. They part and she looks at him. He looks away. "Uh," he starts, "maybe um, maybe we shouldn't..."

"Yeah," she says quickly, not really understanding. Why wouldn't a guy want to have sex? Oh, God, what if it's her? Maybe he just doesn't want to have sex with her. But that kiss was so passionate...

"Please, don't misunderstand me," he says, looking into her eyes. "I just can't... right now..."

"Okay," she says softly. "It's okay."

"Are you sure?" he asks, hesitant.

"Yes, I'm sure," she says, kissing him on the nose. "If you don't want to..."

"Oh, I-I want to, I think, I just... let's just sleep," he smiles softly at her. "You know like, together," he tries to smirk. She smiles back at him and lifts herself off the bed, pushing him up with her. She turns down the bed covers and slides into them, waiting for him to join her. He kicks off his shoes and crawls in close to her. She wraps her arms around him and kisses him in the cheek. He hugs her tighter.

/Guest reviewer, thank you! As you can see Mondler is definitely end game :P I hope it's not moving too fast. When I wrote the first few chapters months ago this is the one that really inspired me to keep going and was so fun and emotional to write! After this chapter I'm not quite sure where this story is going, so... enjoy the ride :P - Art/


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

He awakes early, slightly surprised at his surroundings. He takes a minute to take it all in, and looks over at a sleeping Monica. She looks so pretty and peaceful. He softly kissed her awake.

"Hey," she says, smiling.

"Hi," he smiles back.

"So, how was your night?"

"Best one I've had in awhile... but I better get going."

"Whhhyyyyyy?" She whines playfully.

"Becausssseeeeee, work... and Rachel."

"Oh," she says, sitting up. "That bitch always ruins all the fun for me, " she jokes. He smiles. "Now, now, it's not very nice to go around calling your roommate a bitch. Regardless of if she is one or not, I still have to go to work."

"Finnnnnnne," she says, smiling slightly. He sits up and gives her a hug. They kiss for a moment. It's a strange new feeling, but she likes it.

"So, um," she begins when they part. "Do you wanna do something later?"

"Um," he says, looking down. He did want to do something later, sort of, but that something could lead to sex and he didn't want to do that...

"You don't have to, Chandler," she says, smiling slightly. "It's just a question. It's not like we're in a relationship or anything," she says feeling a little sad. His head stays low. "What's wrong?" she asks, not really expecting an answer.

He looks up. "It's too early in the morning to list all the things that are wrong with me," he smiles but this makes her feel even sadder. There's nothing wrong with him.

"I better go..." he trails off. They embrace again. "Thank you, Mon, I kind of needed this," he whispers in her ear. She nods and kisses him lightly on the cheek. "I'll talk to you later," he says, kissing her head back and getting off her bed. He grabs his shoes off the floor and smiles at her before he opens the door. He tiptoes out of her apartment and into his own, dropping his shoes off in his room and heads to the bathroom for a shower.

/so, it's not much but this is the last chapter I have written *shudders* so I'm kind of lost from here 😂thanks for the support, it really keeps me going. Might be awhile till the next update, have to wait for inspiration and sort of focused on another story right now. If you have any ideas or things you would like to see in this story let me know! I really don't know where to go from here 😂well I do, I'm just too lazy to write it 😂thanks for reading - Art/


	6. Chapter 6

hey ya'll, sorry it's been so long. as I mentioned before, I just get so anxious about this stuff plus I lost my inspiration for this story. The reviews have been so nice though, I've decided to try to quickly finish it. It'll probably feel too rushed, but I figure it's better to finish rushed than not to finish at all! Thank you for all the support, it's really the only thing that makes me even try to complete this story. I'm thinking about working on my other incomplete stories as well. I'll try to put another chapter I have written up tomorrow but after that I still need to write a couple more in order to complete this story.

Chapter 6

"And where have you been?" Joey asks sitting in the living room, startling Chandler as he comes in the door.

"I, um," Chandler stammers. "Got yourself a secret girlfriend, hm?" Joey asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Uhhhh..."

"Come on, Chan," Joey says, walking over and hitting lightly on the shoulder. Chandler flinches, Joey doesn't notice. "That's why you've been so quiet and secretive lately! I've got you figured out," Joey says, pointing his finger at Chandler and grinning. Chandler gives him a little smile and shrugs, deciding it was better for him to believe that than to know what was really going on, especially the part about spending the night with Monica. It was none of his business.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Chandler mutters, heading to the bathroom. He makes sure to lock the door behind him before turning the shower on. He tries not to overthink his night spent with Monica as he stands under the warm mist.

—

Chandler walks out of his apartment and meets Monica in the hallway. "Hi," he smiled at her. "Going to the coffee shop by any chance?"

"Actually, that happens to be exactly where I was heading," she smiles back. "Well, care to join me, m'lady?" He asks, extending his arm out to her. "Don't mind if I do," she says, taking it. They walk down the stairs to the coffee house together and sit close together on the couch. Soon, everyone begins to come in and takes their seats and Chandler somehow moves closer into Monica, feeling a little crowded. She looks at him strangely and gently takes his hand, hoping no one will notice.

Phoebe is the last one in and is grinning from ear to ear. "So," she says, flopping down in a chair, "Justin finally called!" Chandler instantly tenses. Monica noticed. "Wow, that's great, Pheebs," Ross exclaims, everyone bods in agreement, except for Chandler. Phoebe grins. "Yeah, I'm so glad! He's going to take me to this new place on Friday night and I'm so excited. Oh, and Chandler, he asked about you! He said that he'd love to go to another baseball game with you."

Chandler tried to keep his cool but it just about wrecks him. "Yeah, I'm sure he would," he snorts. Everyone looks at him. "What do you mean?" Phoebe asks. Chandler starts to sweat. "Nothing, um, we're just for different teams that's all. Say, I'm sort of expecting a phone call, I better get going," he says, letting go of Monica's hand and standing up. She tries to hold on but he's in a hurry. "See you boys and girls later," he tries to say cool as he heads back upstairs.

"Gosh, he is just acting so weird lately," Rachel says shaking her head. "Yeah," they all nod in agreement. "It's probably his new secret girlfriend!" Joey exclaims. They start to talk about it and as they come up with theories as to why Chandler is acting so not like Chandler, Monica gets up and walks away.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Chandler hurries up the stairs and just about burst into his apartment. He thought that Justin was gone and he wouldn't have to see him anymore except for in his nightmares. He tries to calm his breathing and longs to make things go back to the way they were. He goes into his room and shuts the door, he curls up into a ball on the mattress, rocking back and fourth. Monica stands outside apartment #19 and slowly turns the knob. "Chandler?" she says softly. No answer. She creeps over to his bedroom and knocks on the door. No answer. She slowly opens it and peeks in to see Chandler curled up in a ball shaking. She rushes in and sits beside him, rubbing his back. He jumps up at first but then he opens his eyes and sees that it's her and is relieved. He closes his eyes again and keeps rocking as she pulls him close to her. What on earth could have happened to make him behave this way? Did it have something to do with Justin? What, did he criticize his third nipple or something? She pulls his head into her lap and tries to calm his shaking.

"Baby," she whispers in his ear after awhile. He curls up closer to her. She rubs his arm. "You need to tell me what happened with Justin."

Once again he tenses at the name. She kisses his cheek. He sits up after a moment and leans on her shoulder. She holds him close. He hasn't told anyone about this, he hasn't really even let his mind think about it... but he needed to get it out, no matter how embarrassingly shameful it was.

"We um, we went to the baseball game you know." She nods. Of course she knew, that's around the time Chandler started acting all weird. He sucked in his breath. "Well, um, after it was over he was like, do you wanna get a beer and I was like sure, whatever, you're a cool dude even though you kind of creep me out and I think I should follow my instincts," he chuckles. Monica bites her lip. "So, we went to this bar and order a couple beers and he starts, uh, hitting on me."

Monica looks at him, silently urging him to keep going. "Soooo, you know how you all think I have this gay quality? I guess he thought so too," he mumbles, looking down.

"Oh, Chandler," she says, stroking his hair. "Did he kiss you or something?" she asks. She could understand why that would upset him, although the reaction seemed a little extreme for just an unwanted kiss. He snorts a little. "Oh, he did a lot more than just kiss me."

That's when it hits her like a ton of bricks. Her castle crumbles overnight, all of the pieces fall and she feels like a crumbled up piece of paper.

He was raped.

It explains everything.

She looks at him in shock. "Oh my God, Chandler," she says, tears filling her eyes. He looks away, biting his lip. She wraps her arms around him, unintentionally crying on his shoulder. "I am so, so, so sorry, honey." she sobs, trying to comfort him when she's the one crying like a baby. He holds her back. "Monica, it's okay," he tries to chuckle but he just can't seem to make it work. "No, Chandler, it's not okay!" Monica gasps, puking away from him and looking into his eyes. "It's not okay at all, some asshole violated you and... how come you didn't come to us? How come you didn't come to me?" She asks, staring at him. "Because, Monica, I... it's embarrassing, okay? I didn't want to talk about it. I'm supposed to be a man but I didn't stop it, I couldn't stop it. I don't know, maybe he said that I wanted it too, maybe he was right. It's all my fault," he says, tears softly falling out of his eyes as he stands up and pushes her away. "No, Chandler, NO," she says, standing up with him and pulling his hand back to her. "This is NOT your FAULT! You didn't wantITV you didn't ask for it, he just did it. If some guy did that to me would you see it as my fault, would you?"

"N-no..." he stutters, wiping a tear from his eye. "Then you listen to me. It's not your fault. It's not." He nods, starting to sob. She pulls him back into her arms and they sink to the floor, she now trying to hold back her tears as his finally fall freely.

—

Hi, sorry I forgot I said I would post this yesterday! I see I have two new reviews but I can't see them now for some reason : / thanks for the support anyway! - Art


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, I am copping out. I'm just not sure where to take this story and I think it would be better for me to end it than spend hours staring at the screen trying to find words for it lol. I hope you all enjoyed it. I may or may not write more Friends stories in the future, right now I am focusing on completing the stories I currently have incomplete. Thanks for your support! - Art

Chapter 8

Time has passed since Chandler told Monica his secret, everyone knows now. He's started seeing a therapist at his friends insistence but otherwise he doesn't want to talk about it and they don't push him.

Phoebe still went on her date with Justin after she found out though. Only to teach him a lesson. She'd recently met this new guy, a cop named Gary and she brought him with her.

Chandler and Monica started dating after awhile, taking things slow. Monica has been Chandler's rock through it all. Everyone is surprised when they find out about them, but somehow it just feels right.

Recovery is the hardest part of it all, but Chandler is doing pretty well.

It never stops hurting, but it does get easier.


End file.
